Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
