Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
her facebook's as public as her vagina
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
