Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
