Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
