So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
