I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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