She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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