i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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