dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
where are my eyebrows?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
