Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize