I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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