Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
The power of my boobs compel you
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
