The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize