Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
