Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
My liver just had a heart attack.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
