I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
He is an equal opportunity slut.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
