spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
it glows. i had to have it.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
