I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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