Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
high people should be assigned attendants
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
