Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
