Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
