clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
