Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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