when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
