i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
