NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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