i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
