??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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