Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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