I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
