Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Randomize
