how can u be prego again
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
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no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
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He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.