Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
