I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
