But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
