he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
