I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
