I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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