Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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