Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
