doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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