Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
