it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
