I think I won the penis lottery.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
