I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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