I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
