She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
We're too hungover to prance.
Randomize
