remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
