Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
