The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
