Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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