need another drink. this is the easiest way
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
