She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
