Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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