My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
