Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
