I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
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