Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
