never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
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Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
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Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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