I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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