I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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