He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
