i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
