Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He passed out mid-signature
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
