every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
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