remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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