another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
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I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
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How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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