Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
