I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
