I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
