Ambien. No doubt about it.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize